Guard the House By Baxter Curtis Restine

 

…So, here’s something interesting; every time my mom leaves the house she says, “OK Bax, you guard the house, you’re in charge.”  Seriously, EVERY SINGLE TIME she leaves this is what she says!  Now I ask you, does she honestly think I don’t know that???  Does she REALLY think I need the reminder?

So, here’s how it usually goes.  As soon as she leaves I do a little walk about.  I start in the dining room.  From there I can see the front yard.  I check out the annoying deer.  If there are just a few in the yard I give a couple of semi-innocuous woofs just to let them know that I’m keeping an eye on them.  If there are more than a few, as is often the case, I bark like a fiend because they bug me…I let them know who’s boss.

After that I walk into the family room to see what’s on TV.  Yes; she leaves it on for me…usually on the cooking channel but occasionally on QVC, as if I’m really going to shop!  From the family room, I can see the pool and you know how I hate that pool!  It’s big and it’s wet… YUCK!

It’s about this time that I make my way upstairs to what the humans call the ‘billiard room’.  Why they call it a billiard room I don’t know…they haven’t had a pool table in over 7 years!  From the billiard room, I have a perfect perch from which to survey my empire.  I can see the pesky deer, the neighbors to the north and most importantly from my favorite spot in the sun on the back of the couch I can see the WHOLE length of the driveway so I know the precise moment the humans get home!

First, depending on which human it is, I see either the car or the truck pull in at the bottom of the driveway… I watch from the window until the instant they park and step out of the vehicle, then I race downstairs as fast as these short legs will go to meet them at the laundry room door, where my mom says, EVERY SINGLE TIME, “hey Bax, did you guard the house?”  Now really, sheesh… what does she think I was doing the entire time she was gone?

 

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